I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
