so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
