i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the day after is always just damage control
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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