woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
