White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
