I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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