So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
