I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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