If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
