Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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