I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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