Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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