I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
