I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
