apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
