I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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