What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
