one two three fourrrrnication!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
