3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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