Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
