the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
