dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is wine microwaveable?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
