So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
