yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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