I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
