dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
