I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
