$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Less talking, more tequila
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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