the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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