u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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