Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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