Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
