blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
