So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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