Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
