It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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