i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
