all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
