I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
