Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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