please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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