i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
