I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
