I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You can't motorboat a personality
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize