Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize