Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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