Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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