Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
