This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
