There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
