it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
