so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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