I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
