i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize