Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You may now shotgun with the bride
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
