I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
