better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
