You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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