You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
