i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize