I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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