first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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