I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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