Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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