stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
