Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
