I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
