When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
