guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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