i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
