shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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