Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
