New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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