I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
