I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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