i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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