thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
