too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize